Cannot... finish... projects!

"Seriously, what is wrong with me? I was just revising my WIPocalypse projects and realised that I have three I could finish in mere days. Feasting Frenzy and the Permin butterfly kit are just a few backstitches away from being done, while Lady of the Thread needs only a few missing crosses. I thought with all these other projects and SALs going on it would be easier to let go of my finished pieces, but no! Honestly, I have no idea why I'm doing this."

I wrote the lines above...two and a half years ago. It seems like ages ago. I have finished all those projects but the issue still remains. Little Wings and Isabella's Garden are but a few hours away from being completed and I cannot seem to be able to bring myself to finish them. Why?

It's not like I would run out of things to stitch. I have over 30 projects in my WIP pile. Might be 40 or 50, I no longer keep count.

What is wrong with me? I have this unfightable urge to create, I love seeing the project go, when I am a week or two to go, all I ever think about, all I wanna do, is stitch. And then I reach a point where only the last touches need to be applied, and that is the point where I freeze. I can not touch it. I can't even bear looking at it. But why?

Several times I have tried to force myself. I sit down with the project on my usual spot. And I panic. I get nauseous, I can't breathe, my hands are shaking. I get physically ill. And it annoys me. I like thinking I'm rational. I'm logical. I'm an adult. I yearn for a finish. I want to wash and press them, I want to get them framed and show off to the world. But I am unable to.

Does anyone else get like this? Do you know why? Can I just not let go of my projects?

Minor project reveal

This is the scan I have made of the two bookmarks I stitched for my beloved sister and her lovely hubby. Their birthdays are just a week apart. I stitched it during the summer and kept quiet about it, and wanted to post as soon as they get it, it just took longer for their mail to arrive than I thought. Anyway, I just remembered to post the picture. The charts are from a 2009 Cross Stitch Crazy magazine.

Under a spell

Tree of Stitches by Abi Gurden

You might know me as the Queen of Procrastrination and the Knight of Many Projects, so it is highly unusual of me to start a design and never touch another 'till it's done, even if we are talking about something tiny. But Tree of Stitches by Abi Gurden is not tiny. It is breathtakingly beautiful though. I joined Abi's Yahoo! mailing list, The Stitch Specialists, specifically for this design after I saw it being stitched by some of my blogger friends. I had the chart for months, but I kept delaying the start with different reasons; mainly because I have so many WIPs already, but also out of fear if I will be able to do justice to the design. I have never used so many specialty stitches in one design. I am a near perfectionist, I put the bar real high for everyone and even higher for myself. In the TSS group I regularly marveled at the beautiful stitching of others and while on one hand they have inspired me to join their ranks as a ToS stitcher, they also made me worried if I was good enough. Correction: they had me worried if I am as good as I imagine I am or am I just conceited? I have seen several versions of the tree, different fabrics and colours and sizes, and I wanted to make mine a bit different. I wanted it to reflect my own personality, the way I like to think of myself. And some of the adjectives I like to flatter myself with is versatile, complex and diverse. So I whipped out all of my hand dyed floss and tried to arrange them to form and represent the full colour spectrum. Took me weeks to decide which ones to use, but it was worth it! I started stitching five days ago and hardly stopped since! Tree of Stitches has allowed me to experience the flow of creation, making me forget the time and everything around me, forget mundane things, such as eating and sleep, kept me up 'till 3 a.m. and still leave me with more energy than I had before! And behold the magnificent sight now! The beading is still to be done, but she is already a breathtaking beauty! Is it a sin to be in love with your own stitching? Well, guilty as charged!

Almost mid-month April WIPocalypse report

March had been a pretty hectic month and a particularly unlucky one for our family, so I am glad it is over. Here's hoping it will never surface again. Not only were most of us really sick last month, my baby was also bit by a dog very badly. I will never ever get her screams of pain out of my head for as long as I live. Never. Ever. It's been almost a month since it happened, but I wasn't ready to talk about it until I could see it healing. She was bit on her thigh and most of the minor bruises are almost gone, but two big holes where the dog's fangs have pierced the skin are still healing and will take at least another month before they are closed. For now, we change bandages several times a day to make sure the wound gets some air too. My girl still refuses to look at it. It seems the horror of being injured is multiplied by the disturbing sight.

And now for the regularly scheduled stitchy news. 

March WIPocalypse report

I've done really nicely with my stitching. Again, I cannot show you the super secret project, you will have to take my word for it. I did stitch a lot on other projects too.

I did a bit of progress on my Victorian Elegance. She looks better every day, and I am absolutely in love with this design. She is no more than half done and already breathtaking. I cannot wait to finish the crosses and start with the ribbons on her hat.

My turn

Now that my girl is doing better and will return to school on Monday, it is my turn to cough my lungs up and I am fulfilling my duty in flying colours. I've been coughing non stop for three days and no sign of getting better. None of my medicine seems to work and every time I take a breath I feel something vibrating inside my chest. Feels awful.
On the other hand I managed to scan a few pictures I wanted, watched a DVD I had for ages but never played, caught up with my e-mail and fixed the bluetooth gadget, so I can once again transfer images from my cell to my computer. Which is great as memory was full already.
I've done a nice amount of stitching on my CJC projects, but I realised I will have to put them aside for a bit. Almost a year is gone since I started working on my secret project, and although I have made nice progress, at this rate I will not finish in time. Problem is, I can only work on it when my baby is not at home, as no one in my family can keep a secret, and she's the worst. :) I wish I could show you pictures.
I am so fed up with this winter. I wish I wasn't cold all the time.

Finish update

As I have promised, here are a few photos of the finished Ink Circles piece. It looks even better in real life. Here you can see two totals and a few close ups. Most of the pictures can be seen after the jump.

This is going to be a beautiful pillow.

Circles progress

I still haven't found a time slot where I could stitch regularly, but I did manage to squeeze in a couple xs into my schedule. I have made some progress on Cirque les Cercles by Ink Circles. I can only hope I spelt that one right. Anyway, as you can see I am on the last page and very close to finish.

A new life

Sorry to have disappeared from the net for so long. First of all, you may know that after spending three years at my parents' home, my daughter had returned and is now permanently staying with me, where she belongs. She started her schooling on the 1st of September and although she sometimes whines about getting up early, she loves her teachers and most subjects. Apart from the usual classes, she also takes a bunch of extras in the afternoon, such as ballet, folk dancing, singing, crafting, playful English, computer use and junior mathlete club. Might sound a lot, but she asked to take part and I full-heartedly supported her decision.
Unfortunately, I had to give up on a lot of things thanks to the new schedule we have. First of all, stitching. I simply do not have the kind of time and energy it requires. I didn't stitch at all since Tamara is back home. I sometimes think of it, but most of the times I am too tired to even miss it. I wasn't prepared mentally or physically to look after the needs of a child all on my own. I guess as I grow stronger and get used to doing everything, I will be able to find more time for myself.
Second, I had to seriously cut back internet time. Now I have to hunt for jobs in the morning, and share the computer with DD in the afternoon, so idle chatting and browsing is just out of the question. I had to give up on World of Warcraft as well. Tami has to be in bed at 8 p.m. at the latest, so I wouldn't be able to raid, as we have a single room apartment and she couldn't sleep with my talking on vent and hitting the keys near her. Not to mention that I still can't afford subscribing. *sigh* I miss playing with my excellent guild though. So many friends I used to chat with daily.
Even with stitchy blogs and emails, now I just scan through them instead of the thorough reading they are worthy of. So sad it has to be this way, but single moms have to make sacrifices and I'm not really complaining as it was my choice and I stand by it.
I have not been able to watch any live telly in September, thank the gods for teevo. Got totally hooked on the reruns of Battlestar Galactica.
Still unemployed and broke. I will go through my stash this weekend and put up a bunch of leaflets and kits for sale, because I ran out of ideas on how to get more cash.
The past two weeks were tough as the computer broke down and I had withdrawal issues. :) A friend of mine fixed it for me and now I am in the process of reinstalling my old software, which starts with somehow locating installation CD's I haven't seen in years. I hope to keep you posted on how we adapt to our new way of life.

UFOs dusted off

Sorry for the absence, I had to spend a longer-than-usual period at my parents because my dad was briefly in hospital and they needed my help. Then, after coming home, I just laid back feeling sorry for myself for having to carry and stack up 10 quintals of wood on my own. Until I remembered that my parents do it every few months.

Anyway, I took a look around my stash and found some abandoned projects I have decided to work on. I also did some motivational decorating, that is, I hung up a couple of my kits and charts on the wall to remind me what I wanted to stitch. Feasting Frenzy is almost ready, I just need to do the backstitch. I have two Dimensions Gold kits only an afternoon's work away from completion. The Permin butterfly is nearly done too. But somehow I am unable to do those. So I pulled Victorian Elegance from the pile. I was very disappointed with my starting stitches. I may gonna frog and re-do them in the end. I started working on it a few years ago, when I had less experience, and my stitches look too uneven to me. Right now I just wanna carry on and see how much floss I will have left at the end. 

The other project is Butterflies and Brambles by DMC. I just love this one, very easy on the eyes.

In the meantime

I shared a lot of non-stitching stories in the past day, but I have been busy doing the little x-s despite not mentioning them. I think I mentioned frogging the ballerina's hair, that is gonna happen soon. Right now I am working mainly on Feasting Frenzy. My parents have a bird feeder in the backyard that is visited mostly by blue tits and great tits (which in Hungary have a name that translates to coal tit because of the black cap they have) and blackbirds. Everyone in my family adores them. So my mom really wants to have that picture stitched, framed and hanging on her wall. I have made really great progress and will soon start doing the backstitching!

First finish of the year

My bigger pieces are growing slowly so I decided to do a smaller project so I can brush up on my happy dancing. And here it is, a small Lanarte kit that has a sister (with poppies) and took me only a few days to stitch start to finish.
I took a deep breath and started stitching the hair on my ballerina. If you recall, the kit has floss for brown hair but I wanted her to be blonde. Most of the colours I have chosen I'm satisfied with, except for the darkest shade. As it were, the darkest colour takes up most of the hair, and it is more brown than blonde. It would be okay if it would only be a shade here and there, but it's too much, it makes her look like the girl was the subject of an unsuccessful bleaching experiment that went horribly early 80's. So I will frog that colour and probably blend a lighter shade with the original floss to make it work. I will keep you updated.
I worked on Feasting Frenzy too, I will give you details when I'm done scanning.

This place is cursed

I have lost, or rather misplaced, the materials for yet another project. I can't find the original chart pack for my Ink Circles project, which is a problem because I kept the floss in its folder. I only have the working copies and the fabric. I may gonna have to buy some new skeins. Which is problematic only as I don't know its number, I only remember it is Anchor variegated. Here's hoping that will be enough to identify it. Here is a scan of how far I got with three skeins (I think).

Minor progress

Again, this photo was taken with my phone camera, so it is not that good, but I have no other to share and the progress is too big for the scanner now. But I think you can still see the overall picture. It may look like I didn't work too much on the ballerina, but that is only because I did plenty of the white parts. I don't know about you but I hate stitching white on white. I wish the fabric was ecru or some other light shade.

I thought I had it rotated... sorry!

Page one done

I have been very diligently working on Cirque des Cercles and I have managed to finish page one already! I went right on to page two and stitched until I ran out of floss. No worries, I have enough this time, I knew this one would be floss consuming so I bought 6 skeins and only used up one so far.
Unfortunately, I only have a rather bad photo to share. I took it with my phone camera and the light wasn't too good either. I will try to take some more later today but I just couldn't wait sharing this!
A few of you have been asking me questions, let me answer here. The chart looks very difficult and intricate but do not let it scare you. It is very easy to follow and a pleasure to stitch. The floss I am using is Anchor variegated #1348. I'm still planning to give away the chart for free when I am done stitching the project. I will post it in here and you will be able to sign up for it in comments as usual.

Ink Circles progress

This is definitely not my best scanning job ever! Unfortunately, the fabric is badly wrinkled and you can see the hoop marks, so it is all kinds of blurry. Plus slightly tilted. I'm still/again (pick one, both are kinda correct) reorganizing my home so there is a bunch of stuff piled up on the scanner's top. I can only lift the lid a little to cram the fabric inside, and, as usual, little effort leads to crappy results, as demonstrated here. But it's enough to show you my progress.
As you can see, I am almost done with page 1 and I am extremely satisfied with myself!

Ballerina progress

As you can see, it had reached critical mass, that is, I can no longer fit the whole thing in the scanner. :D You can see her knees now, which is also the bottom edge of the stitched area. Again, the kit makers weren't too generous with the fabric, but in now way is it a tight fit. It's getting prettier every day.
I also realised that not only the hair must be converted to blonde, but I must change her eyes to green as well. Yes, my girl's eyes are greyish blue, gut she insists they are green like mine. I tried to correct her a few times, but she is adamant. I leave her to think she has green eyes because I don't see much sense in arguing with a 6-year-old.

My gal

This is a drawing by my dearest six year old. In case you were wondering, it is a patched cat where the patches for some reason are are flower shaped. She has a little striped baby cat, because no living creature in this world should exist without an adoring and irresistibly cute offspring. So mommy cat and daughter cat are walking on the field of flowers and lollipop trees. She's been watching a lot of Strawberry Shortcake cartoons recently, hence the candy flora.
She also wrote DVD on the picture just to show me that she can. It is not part of the picture, she just didn't find another piece of paper to write on. Yes, she is due to start school next September, but already knows all the capital letters and most lower case ones. And she wrote her very first letter to Santa in crayon. I don't have it on me now but I will definitely scan that too. I'm planning to design a piece where I use her various drawings and then I will stitch it for her. Not sure of the end project yet, maybe a few pillows. She is very fond of drawing and so I have plenty of material!

She also likes to help me with my stitching. Please kindly ignore the 20+ years old T-shirt I'm wearing in the picture, as well as my obviously unwashed and unkempt hair. Focus on the undivided attention, concentration and dedication on my baby's face. Thank you so much.
Below is the photo of her progress. It's the brown dotted line in the top left part of the project. She has finally figured out that one is supposed to punch the needle into the bigger holes on the fabric and that one must always advance to the next one in a neat row, she just doesn't do crosses yet. So she is doing a semi-finished Holbein stitch. Whatever. She's my daughter and whatever she does is perfection to me.

Start and progress

I have finally recovered my ballerina chart so I could work on more colours. There is a lot of floss blending and I really enjoy the effect. I made great progress! Soon she will outgrow my scanner.

In the meantime I have started yet another SAL. We're doing a Christmas project. Most of the members are Hungarian but everyone is still welcome if you are interested. There may still be time to buy the chart and start stitching! I am warning you though, it is much more floss consuming than it looks! I am almost at the end of my first skein, and now I must find a way to get some from abroad as the store that stocked The Gentle Art Sampler Threads is closed by now. Damn you, economy!
To see the projects check out the blog, you can find the image and link on my sidebar. You can find my posts under the label Jade.

I am doing several smaller pieces I cannot reveal just yet. In a shock, I realised that I am at the deadline of mailing my PIF gifts. Who knew a year can pass so fast? I had no idea. I may be late with some of them, I apologize in advance.

I have dusted off some of my older crafting tools. I have finished knitting a small poncho I started working on years ago and then put it aside. I also tried crocheting again, and I remembered why I quit in the first place. I just cannot seem to be able to make the edges straight. Does anyone have any piece of advice on that? I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but this is what my practice pieces look like:

New minies and more fun

I have managed to finish two more mini freebies recently and last weekend we visited the zoo again. It seams that my daughter associates the zoo with her dad coming to visit. I don't mind because we have a great old time every time. This time we even managed to catch some of the shows, like the seal feeding when the animals do all kinds of tricks for the fish and everyone's amusement, including their own.

Later that day my mom called me in panic because she heard on the radio that a six years old girl was attacked and severely bitten by a seal during the presentation. I googled the news. It was a boy, 11 years old and in Australia, but the rest of the news was true. He is okay now. I only shared this little incident to let you all know what my mother's general state of mind is. This "if something awful happens, it probably happened to my kids" attitude is what I had to deal with on a daily basis for the past 30+ years and I don't think she will change soon.

But never mind that, enjoy my stitching and my girl pretending to be a funny little squirrel.