February flashback #2

Now that we've entered April it is really time to get my February blogging done. :)

The other big thing to be remembered about February is of course the masquerade. Here in Hungary kids don't dress into costumes at Halloween, they do get to have a ball and loads of fun in February. It is the carnival season in many European countries.

In my daughter's school they prefer home made costumes to readily made ones. This cute cat was entirely my daughter's idea. She wore a pair of black leggings, black leotard, a pair of soft boots my sister bought her last year, and the ears and tail I bought her at a joke shop. She hates face painting so she only let me smear some black eye shade on the tip of her nose and a few lines for whiskers. And then she had some lunch: fish sticks. Ideal for my kitten, don't you think so?

Update

I have disappeared for some time again. My BWO membership stops me from apologizing. I can't say I was busy, I was "only" depressed. I spent my time mostly by leveling various Facebook creatures, whether they are slaying dragons, running restaurants or working on a virtual farm.
My soon-to-be-ex and I had another court appearance last week, now there's only one more before the divorce is final. I am still on a job hunt and the financial problems are not making it easier to fight my condition.
I tried to participate in the 100-stitch challenge one of my Yahoo mailing boards started, where everyone was supposed to do at least 100 stitches daily throughout May, and I did start off nicely, but eventually, as the courtroom date came closer, failed. I stopped stitching for two weeks completely. Instead, I rearranged my stitchy and scrapbooking stash around the flat so now I cannot find anything :P but at least it kept my mind away from the divorce and saved my from crying.

I also visited my daughter a lot more in May. She is the loveliest little lady ever. In this picture below she and I are in kindergarten just after she told me a Mother's Day poem. You see the little heart in my hand that she stitched for me for this special occasion, and yes, if you take a close look at my eyes, it is obvious I cried.

I found the mini kits I lost and mentioned in my previous post. They fell behind the table. Unfortunately I cannot scan them as my scanner/printer is acting silly ever since I last changed cartridges. I should re-install the software but I just can't be bothered. Plus, I have no idea where the CD is.

I was hoping that spring would help me fight depression, but the weather is mostly rubbish, thanks to which we had several floods in the country. And the threat is not gone yet, as we are expecting further weeks of rain.

To end the entry on a positive note, I wanna share a link I just came across. If you click HERE, you will be able to see 40 amazing houses that were inspired by various fairy tales. I would love to live in any of them. You can't really be depressed in a whimsical home like that, can you?

What a strange year it has been

I started 2009 being sick as a dog and too weak to walk around the block. My daughter was already living with my parents for some months and I saw her on the weekends. My depression was in full force and I didn't talk to my husband at all, except when I asked if I could have my turn at the computer. I was awake all night, doing everything I could think of on the net, working on FaceBook collections, playing online games, reading all news sources and trolling gossip blogs, doing all kinds of things I didn't care about at all, but at least they kept me awake so I didn't have to go and share a bed with a man I no longer love. This habit made me even weaker and added a still present sleeping disorder to my list of problems.
Late in spring I finally managed to tear open all the wounds I've been licking and told my husband all the things that hurt me and made me want to divorce. It was very difficult for both of us, but also very necessary. Luckily, none of us wants to cause any harm to the other and we have no ill feelings towards each other, we just acknowledge that we're not as compatible as we have originally thought we would be. It did take some time of getting used to, we spent most of the summer trying to figure out what to do and how exactly should it be done. He started packing his things in the autumn and we filed for divorce.
Winter came and I felt completely numb, the weight of my decisions and their consequences nearly crushing me. Most of my days are spent without purpose or merit. The holidays were empty and weird. My daughter visited most of the relatives and enjoyed the festive season, but hasn't seen our Christmas tree yet. I spent New Year's Eve all alone, on World of Warcraft, doing random raids with strangers when the clock struck 12.

Apologies

I realize I have disappeared from the net completely. I'm terribly sorry if I made anyone feel like I let them down, it is the time of winter when the days are shortest and darkness falls at 5 p.m.. So for a sun worshiper like myself, who is mainly solar powered, it means I'm barely vegetating. My soon-to-be-ex husband has moved out and I spend many time arranging stuff around, trying to figure out what to keep on the newly emptied shelves.
When I'm not cleaning or packing, I'm job hunting or preparing for the holidays. Most of the gifts haven't been bought yet. Mainly because if I'm not in my hometown visiting my adorable daughter, I'm lying sick. Do you wanna know the extra funny stuff? It seems I have developed an allergy to penicillin. Yes, the medicine I've been taking for the past 30 years now causes fingerprint sized, itching red patches all over my skin.
So when I have a little time and energy to sit in front of the computer, I can barely catch up with the hundreds of e-mails and blog updates. I wish I could answer those mails, and comment on all your wonderful blog entries full of the amazing projects you make, and write my own blog, but that is impossible. I recently keep a notebook by my bed and I'm scribbling whatever thoughts occur to me. This blog entry and the previous one were born out of those notes. Otherwise I couldn't stay focused long enough to type this.
It's not the only thing I'm behind with. It took me forever to buy, write and mail the Christmas cards for the exchanges I'm in. Which is embarrassing, but not as difficult to fix as my overdue paying of all bills. Now I'm trying to avoid having my electricity and heating shut down for the holidays. My bank account is two months worth of bills away from empty and I still cannot find even a part time job.
Still, that is no excuse to disappear just like that, but I hope you will understand if occasionally I retract to my shell. Because needless to say, depression is now a permanent flatmate, and I'm fighting my private war every day just to get out of bed and have some food. And most battles are lost, but the war isn't over yet. It will be one really long fight, but I'll be damned if I ever surrender.
At least I've done some stitching while in bed (see previous post) and watched lots of TV. My new favourite show is Flash Forward. It's brilliant.

Speed stitching

Winter is done, summer is in progress. I should finish it by Monday, which means that I must spend the whole weekend stitching. If you see smoke rising in Hungary, it must be my needle. Here are some early WIP scans of these two seasons:

Two down, two to go

I am stitching now every day as much as I can without straining my hands. I have finished two seasons (autumn and spring) already and started working on winter. Summer is my favourite so I decided to leave it last. Unfortunately, since it's a model stitching job, I am not allowed to show you my finished pieces, but I think there is no harm in showing some in-progress scans.

So here is the very early autumn and the already blooming spring. I can't wait to show you what they look like together!