10 years

It was exactly ten years ago on Valentine's day that I said "I do" for the second time. It was a warm February morning, with some leftover patches of snow on the sidewalks but a lovely sunshine. A friend of mind braided my hair with a champagne coloured ribbon, I wore a dress I bought at 19 because I thought it made me look like Snow White and I never had the courage to tell my mom how much it REALLY cost. We had lots of friends and family at the wedding, it was a jolly event, especially at the point when I couldn't stop giggling. I was eight months pregnant. It was possibly the happiest day of my life. The days after that... not so much. It wasn't perfect. It didn't last. I wasn't happy. My heart was crushed, my dreams with it. I regret getting married. I did not, however, regret getting pregnant. I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything else. And motherhood wasn't as perfect and jolly as I thought it would be. It is a lot harder than I imagined, but my daughter gives me the strength to cope with whatever life is throwing my way. Including divorce. And Valentine's day. Reminding me every year what could have been. What should have been. Our marriage was crap. Our daughter is... whatever comes after awesome, I do not have the words to describe her. She wouldn't be here for me without you, so... happy anniversary. You prick. :P

My sister and I at the wedding

Happy dance at The Wedding

As you may remember, I had this super secret project that I have been working on for two years. It was Lavender & Lace's The Wedding which I have tweaked a bit to fit my parents' 50th anniversary. I have finished in time too, except for the beading. This summer I took a deep breath, washed and ironed the piece, and then I spent two days beading, but it was worth it. Last week it finally came back from the framer's and went to live with my parents. I am very satisfied with the result, although I do not want to stitch anything white for a while. :) I changed the letters to numbers, and modified the hair colour of the young couple, plus I thought the veil wasn't enough so I added a blackwork in Kreinik's gold blending filament. In retrospect, I wish I would have placed the numbers a bit closer to each other, but it still turned out fine. Here is the end product, with some details for the veil.

Cute kit

This is a kit by Lanarte that my mother picked for herself. She really loves small birds, especially song birds. All winter long she makes sure they have enough food in the bird feeder in our back garden. And a very busy feeder it is too! Every time I visit, there are a big bunch of feathered friends feasting. Which is why I gave her the Dimensions birdhouse I stitched earlier this year. I hope I can finish this kit before Christmas! 

Below is the progress I made in a month.

Finished frenzy

The crosses were done for over a year by the time I forced myself to finish all the pesky backstitching on this one, but I did finish just in time for my mother's birthday. Here it is all finished and framed, and now I cannot stop happy dancing.

Feasting Frenzy by Dimensions

Back to blogging

I missed blogging, but due to recent rearrangements in my job I just couldn't find the time and/or energy to do it. It's been a long winter and I missed my sunshine. I mostly run on solar power. Also, I have more and more problems with blogger, so I started to experiment with Wordpress. I may move my blog there. I will let you know if I do. Here is a brief recap of important things that happened, told mostly in pictures. 

May is about to end

I have not written anything this month. Mainly because I am too tired and in a new situation that both DD and I have got to get used to. Thing is, I have a job. My contract still says temp, but as far as I know, I am the only contestant for the position, which makes it a bit easy, but I am still very determined to do the best job possible. I owe that to myself and the position too. I will be working behind the counter of a needlework shop! Is there a better job possible for a cross stitch addict like me? No way!

February flashback #2

Now that we've entered April it is really time to get my February blogging done. :)

The other big thing to be remembered about February is of course the masquerade. Here in Hungary kids don't dress into costumes at Halloween, they do get to have a ball and loads of fun in February. It is the carnival season in many European countries.

In my daughter's school they prefer home made costumes to readily made ones. This cute cat was entirely my daughter's idea. She wore a pair of black leggings, black leotard, a pair of soft boots my sister bought her last year, and the ears and tail I bought her at a joke shop. She hates face painting so she only let me smear some black eye shade on the tip of her nose and a few lines for whiskers. And then she had some lunch: fish sticks. Ideal for my kitten, don't you think so?

Farewell to 2011, welcome 2012

2011 didn't start out like it was gonna be a good year. I was lonely and very depressed. With the help of my friends though, I gradually managed to get my act together. Not just those friends I see in person, but my online stitching buddies who always have a minute or two to send me a few words of encouragement when I need it the most. I am extremely thankful for your support.
In 2011 I have changed some of the minor things that effected my mood and helped me a great deal. For example, I have successfully got rid of my Facebook gaming addiction, which gave me a lot of time I could spend on more useful things. For example, after several years, I have managed to look after my mini garden of potted plants properly. It was a great experience and I have every intention to do it again this year.
I dusted off my UFOs and had several finishes, big and small. Usually I don't like finishing, but this year I needed to close things down and the stitching finishes have, in some way, trained me to deal with the feeling of closure.
The biggest change, of course, is baby coming home. She was four years old when my delicate health and failing marriage made me unable to give her the attention and care she needed, so step by step, I let her move in with my parents. They did a terrific job looking after her, but she is my child, so I wanted her back. We had our arguments about what's best for her, but I am her mom, and I wasn't gonna spend another year without my baby. She is the light of my life, the sun around which all my thoughts orbit, and I only feel alive when we are together. This summer she moved back to Budapest, and since then all of my days are blessed. I cannot find words to describe how thankful and humbled I am to experience motherhood again. I almost forgot how amazing it is to raise a child. How wonderful it feels to look at her, listen to her, figure out how her innocent eyes view the world, go through the adventures of growing up. This is her adventure, she is the hero and I am always at her side as her faithful companion. Never again shall I let her out of my sight for so long. Unless she wants me to.
My baby is a big girl now, enjoying school days, using pointy scissors, washing the dishes, reading books on her own. Naturally, with the fun we have and the chores to be done, I don't have much time for my hobbies now, but I still think it's just a phase, and as she grows and becomes more mature and independent, I will be able to do more. For now, I am satisfied with what I have. And that really is more than what I could have asked for a year ago.

Golden Sunday

 We usually have the same glass fibre enhanced, colour changing plastic tree that comes with its own ornaments already wired to the branches. This year my girl wished to decorate a christmas tree for the first time, and I gladly obliged. The tree is still plastic of course, and the majority of the ornaments are purple and pink, as those are her favourite colours. We still need to buy some lights and the top ornament will be a huge, silver colour silk poinsettia. We had that for a month, and yes, she spotted that in a Tesco and begged granma to buy it for her. So the tree is really according to her taste this year! I can't wait 'till it's present opening time.


 After that we went skating. She has ice skating lessons once a week because her school specializes in PE training and sports, and all first graders learn ice skating. It was soooo brilliant! I hope to do this again very soon.

Baby face, don't grow so fast

Tami thinks she is such a big girl now she wants to go to school all alone. We've been discussing this issue in the past weeks. Her argument is that it's safe and the school is literally just around the corner. In fact, it is the building at the end or our rather short street, she just has to turn the corner to go to the main entrance.

Today she was returning to her school for her extra music lessons, and since it is bright daylight, I told her I will escort her across the street and then watch her from afar as she is walking to school. She accepted although she wished I would just let her go completely. She started walking away, and about 20 meters away from me she slowed down, stopped, looked back at me and decided to run all the way back. Did you change your mind and want me to escort you, I asked. Yes, she said and gave me a big hug. I thought I'd be very lonely on the way without you, she added.

A new life

Sorry to have disappeared from the net for so long. First of all, you may know that after spending three years at my parents' home, my daughter had returned and is now permanently staying with me, where she belongs. She started her schooling on the 1st of September and although she sometimes whines about getting up early, she loves her teachers and most subjects. Apart from the usual classes, she also takes a bunch of extras in the afternoon, such as ballet, folk dancing, singing, crafting, playful English, computer use and junior mathlete club. Might sound a lot, but she asked to take part and I full-heartedly supported her decision.
Unfortunately, I had to give up on a lot of things thanks to the new schedule we have. First of all, stitching. I simply do not have the kind of time and energy it requires. I didn't stitch at all since Tamara is back home. I sometimes think of it, but most of the times I am too tired to even miss it. I wasn't prepared mentally or physically to look after the needs of a child all on my own. I guess as I grow stronger and get used to doing everything, I will be able to find more time for myself.
Second, I had to seriously cut back internet time. Now I have to hunt for jobs in the morning, and share the computer with DD in the afternoon, so idle chatting and browsing is just out of the question. I had to give up on World of Warcraft as well. Tami has to be in bed at 8 p.m. at the latest, so I wouldn't be able to raid, as we have a single room apartment and she couldn't sleep with my talking on vent and hitting the keys near her. Not to mention that I still can't afford subscribing. *sigh* I miss playing with my excellent guild though. So many friends I used to chat with daily.
Even with stitchy blogs and emails, now I just scan through them instead of the thorough reading they are worthy of. So sad it has to be this way, but single moms have to make sacrifices and I'm not really complaining as it was my choice and I stand by it.
I have not been able to watch any live telly in September, thank the gods for teevo. Got totally hooked on the reruns of Battlestar Galactica.
Still unemployed and broke. I will go through my stash this weekend and put up a bunch of leaflets and kits for sale, because I ran out of ideas on how to get more cash.
The past two weeks were tough as the computer broke down and I had withdrawal issues. :) A friend of mine fixed it for me and now I am in the process of reinstalling my old software, which starts with somehow locating installation CD's I haven't seen in years. I hope to keep you posted on how we adapt to our new way of life.

New era

Yep... the school years have now officially began.

Another notch

Last week I have turned thirty-seven, or, as one of my Wilde-loving friends would say, I have turned thirty-five for the third year in a row. :) I disapprove of lying in any form to the extreme, which is why I refuse to wear hair extensions or padded bras, and I stopped applying make up for the same reason. Last week I have dyed my hair for the very last time, only because the ends were still very light reddish shade, while the roots were my original dark brown. So I got my hair consistent and from now on I will just let it hang. :)

I has a puppy!

Picture heavy

 Here is my baby in the progress of teaching her bunnies to beg. They are truly adorable creatures, but no match for my girl!
I added several pictures of my parents' garden. I wish I could arrange the pictures better, but Blogger is really terrible in that respect. The pictures are difficult to position and they don't stay where I put them in the editing frame, so I have to keep switching to the preview. Next time I will simply add a Picasa slideshow but I just cannot bother now.

Seven years ago

"Mom, please don't call me Luca!"
"Why? It's your middle name."
"Well, I don't like it!"
"What's the matter, honey? Does it mean something bad for you? Do I say Luca in a different tone than I say Tamara?"
"No, I just don't like it. I like Tamara. Call me Tamara every time you talk to me!"

No more Facebook

I recently purged my Facebook account. Last year I spent irrationally much time there, mostly playing FarmVille, Restaurant City and other virtual build-and-manage-an-environment games, befriending strangers just to get more neighbours so I can collect virtual tripe by the dozens and exchange them for rare and seasonal in-game items. At a time when real life didn't offer many chances of success and had no positive feedback, these games gave me proof that if I stick to doing something on a daily basis, I can build something big and beautiful. And in that way they were helpful for a while and made me feel better. But then I became addicted and needed to add more and more games, till I found myself clicking those things all day long.

Do you know the worst part? At a time I convinced myself that I am doing it for my daughter, because on my virtual farm I had a pink virtual house and stuffed its virtual garden with virtual toys, a virtual see-saw and virtual swings, etc, while in reality I spent less time with my baby, because I stole time from playing with her so I can build an unreal environment she may enjoy looking at but will never be able to access. How dumb is that? Yes, Tamara likes the way the virtual puppy wags its tail, but she doesn't enjoy my spending 20 minutes daily on virtual feeding it. And that is just one game.

Anyway, I snapped out of it. I removed 75 of my 85 games. I removed all the pages I was a fan of. Why on earth did I ever decide to "like" Celebrity Birthdays in the first place? And did I really think I can save the rainforests by sending 10 virtual seeds a day? The games I have spared are only there because I feel sorry for the time and energy I invested in building them. 

Next I am gonna start to remove all those friends I don't really know. I am only worried about accidentally removing a few stitching friends, as I remember most of them by email addy and not by full name. Should it happen to you, please let me know. I wanna use Facebook for what I believe it was invented for, to keep in touch with real people who are really important for me in my real life.

What have I done?

Seriously. Is my Xmas SAL project cursed? I lost my floss! What is going on here? I know I had at least one more skein, but I cannot find it anywhere. It was right here, on my table, between the keyboard and the screen for ages. Along with dozens of other things, that, unlike my floss, are still here, gathering dust. All right, so I am not the tidiest housewife, correction, housesinglemom, in the world. In fact, I am sure I am somewhere at the bottom of the tidy list. But I always take care of my stash! There is at least one, possibly one and a half skeins of Raspberry Parfait floss located in my flat some place, I just don't know the exact spot. I spent the day looking for it. I found copious amounts of stuff I didn't remember I had, but the floss remains missing. I am fuming. In my day-long monologue I have used every curse word known to mankind and went on to invent a few new ones. Still the floss is missing. I swear, there must be an evil little goblin sneaking in every once in a while and relocate my stuff as a prank.

Guest blogging

No, I am not writing for anyone else, nor have I invited anyone else to share thoughts here. The guest part is about my location. I am spending some time at my parents' again and to keep up with the daily blogging, I have to come over to my sister's place and use their computer.
I didn't talk a lot about my sister and this seems the perfect opportunity to catch up on her. Some of you long time readers may remember how sad I was when she fell for a guy that lived in New Zealand. Of course I was happy for  her but I  feared that she and her son may move to the other end of the globe. It has happened the other way around. Stephen, her crush, had the opportunity to come visit us. He was sent on a business trip to another East European country, and made a little modification to his route to finally see the woman he had been chatting online with for  months. The rest, as they say, is history. He never left. :) They got married a few months later. That was over three years ago and they are still as happy as newlyweds. I guess what they say about Hungarian women is true: there is no getting over us!
Back to blogging, unfortunately with a strange computer I have no image galleries or the software to download images. So you will get only text for a few days. I will make it up for you when I get home. Promise!

My gal

This is a drawing by my dearest six year old. In case you were wondering, it is a patched cat where the patches for some reason are are flower shaped. She has a little striped baby cat, because no living creature in this world should exist without an adoring and irresistibly cute offspring. So mommy cat and daughter cat are walking on the field of flowers and lollipop trees. She's been watching a lot of Strawberry Shortcake cartoons recently, hence the candy flora.
She also wrote DVD on the picture just to show me that she can. It is not part of the picture, she just didn't find another piece of paper to write on. Yes, she is due to start school next September, but already knows all the capital letters and most lower case ones. And she wrote her very first letter to Santa in crayon. I don't have it on me now but I will definitely scan that too. I'm planning to design a piece where I use her various drawings and then I will stitch it for her. Not sure of the end project yet, maybe a few pillows. She is very fond of drawing and so I have plenty of material!

She also likes to help me with my stitching. Please kindly ignore the 20+ years old T-shirt I'm wearing in the picture, as well as my obviously unwashed and unkempt hair. Focus on the undivided attention, concentration and dedication on my baby's face. Thank you so much.
Below is the photo of her progress. It's the brown dotted line in the top left part of the project. She has finally figured out that one is supposed to punch the needle into the bigger holes on the fabric and that one must always advance to the next one in a neat row, she just doesn't do crosses yet. So she is doing a semi-finished Holbein stitch. Whatever. She's my daughter and whatever she does is perfection to me.