Anger management

I have a new technique to fight depression. It's not entirely new, I just recently figured out how to use it every day to feel better.
It's anger. I have a lot of it.
I was always the quiet girl in the background, going out of my way to go out of other people's way to make sure they feel fine. And that made me feel fine. But it also meant that however angry I was at them or at any issues, I kept silent. I didn't even have to bite my tongue. Speaking up for myself or issues I have believed in was never an option. That didn't mean I was okay with that. It was simply my nature. I was ignored and often even abused because of that. I didn't mind. I just wanted to avoid conflict, at any cost. Even if it meant I was never ever getting what I wanted. It made me frustrated. It made my depression that much stronger. I would be bullied into working more for smaller wages. It made me the butt of jokes at parties. It made me stay away from people I loved so they could hang out with people less worthy but more aggressive at enforcing their will. It made me invisible.
Until over ten years ago.
I used to play a lot of role playing games. I didn't realize at the time, but it worked like drama therapy for me. In the beginning, like most newbie role players, I picked characters that were more like me. Timid, uncertain, always supporting the heroes. Then I got invited to a party I knew nothing about. I knew it was gonna be set in the World of Darkness universe. A game that says supernatural creatures exist, but they live in the shadows, so ordinary people never see behind the veil of disguise. Vampires, mages and shapeshifters work behind the scenes, control organizations, run operations, and so on.
I was in good company, I knew everyone at the table, I had my man on my side and my best friend doing the storytelling. I felt safe, so I thought I should not play safe. I chose a character sooo unlike me. I made her an outcast of society, a lone wolf, with criminal records and antisocial characteristics.
Everyone thought I made a mistake. That I could not play such an unpleasant, violent character. They kept saying that until I believed them.
And then we started playing. Imagine my surprise when she became a werewolf. Imagine my surprise when she berserked and started smashing stuff. Imagine my shock when I realized I'm actually enjoying this. Imagine the frustration when I realized that the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with hated it. It was not the obedient good little girl he took home to mommy. It was just a part of me, that was set free on our weekly gaming sessions, but it was enough for him to turn away from me. He found that part of me scary and repulsive. I found that part of me strong, independent, and giving less and less of a damn about what he or anyone else thinks.
That werewolf slowly crept out of the story and into my real life. I could not be happier to meet her. She was the part of me that would stand up and speak up for me. She was the one that could not be sat in the corner. I could only call on her when I got angry. So slowly, over the last ten years, I learned to make myself angry, and then channel that anger to work as a fuel for me to get things done. Luckily, we live in a less than perfect world. There are so many things to get angry about. Pollution, inequalities, abuse, violence, ignorance, you name it. I think about those things and my blood starts to boil. And then I just can't sit still.
It helps me even in the smallest things. I take my mind where it doesn't wanna go, enrage just to get out of the chair, and then do the dishes to take my mind off my anger. And it works, it really, really works. I do chores like I was always supposed to. Sure, the meds help as well, but I really think the main component in my recent recovery is anger. I make myself angry when I am afraid of things until the rage is stronger than the fear. I make myself angry when I'm sad until the rage supersedes the sadness. I make myself angry when I am in pain until the rage flushes out the pain.
I am getting really good at redirecting my anger at whatever I want. And right now I wanna get angry at depression. See which one is stronger.
Personally, I think depression has no chance.

WIPocalypse amendment

I have found the missing Lanarte piece I mentioned in my previous post and scanned her. Here she is:

As I started writing this post I realized I cannot bring myself to call my projects "it". So I had to choose a gender for cross stitch projects. It came to me that they can only be female. After all, they are very complicated, look delicate but in fact are strong enough to endure the test of time, they sometimes make your eyes water for no reason, cost a great deal more than you would have guessed, are effortlessly beautiful regardless of their shape or colour, and most men do not seem to appreciate them as much as they should. :)

You did NOT just say that!

We are watching the show The Top 10 Most X-treme Animals on the telly. This episode is about all the weird and amazing ways animals can change places. Before commercial break the announcer says "and next you will see a sea creature with a built-in rocket engine". I guess medusa and turn to my girl.
"Can you think of any animals that move around like that?"
"Like what?"
"Rocket engine. Do you know how that works?"
"Nope..."
"It's not moving with legs or swimming, rather the animal squeezes something out of its body, usually water, and that pushes it forward. Can you think of any creature that blows out something behind as it moves ahead?"
"Granma'!"
"......" <--- Mommy is pissing herself with laughter.

Kiddo ideas

My daughter is watching Tom and Jerry.
"Mom?"
"Yes, honey?"
"Are mice vegan?"
"They eat grains and nuts and maybe tree bark. They eat vegetables too. But I think they eat anything when they are really hungry."
"Cartoon mice eat cheese."
"Yes, that makes them vegetarian but not vegan."
"How come?"
"Vegans eat nothing that comes out of an animal. Do you know what cheese is made of?"
"Well yes, cheese is made of milk, which comes out of cows, but cows only eat plants, so technically milk is only plants metamorphosed. That makes mice practically vegan."
"..." <--- Mommy is speechless.