Monday, December 8, 2014
Sunday, December 7, 2014
I want to be attractive but not attract people.
I want to listen to people but I don't want to talk to them.
I want to start new project but I don't want any new WIPs.
I want to know everything that happened to me but I don't want to remember.
I want to know how the story ends but I want no spoilers.
I want to travel but I don't want to leave the comfort of my home.
I'm hungry but I don't wanna have to eat.
I want to be more womanly but I prefer being seen as a person.
I want to discuss ideas but I don't want to argue.
I want to learn new things but I want to practice the old things.
I want to buy stash but hate spending money on stash.
I want opinions but I don't want criticism.
I want to hide but I want to shout.
I love my job but I hate to go to work.
I hate smoking but I love cigarettes.
I hate being depressed but I no longer know who I am without it.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Hey, I started something big and I am a bit stuck. I am working on a crochet blanket made of snowflake granny squares. I can't make my mind up about assembly though. I need input! Leave a comment about which pattern you suggest: diagonal, paralell or random?
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I want to stitch but I don't want to finish projects.
I want to spend less time on social media but I want to know everything that happens.
I want to watch less TV but I want to know what happens with my favourite characters.
I love the way long hair looks but I prefer the way short hair feels.
I love how I look with make up but I hate how my skin can't breathe.
I love wearing short skirts but I hate the reactions it provokes from strangers.
I love listening to the same song again and again but I miss hearing new ones.
I want to be in a relationship but I can't stand the idea of being with a man.
I love long nails but they get in the way.
I love comfy, baggy clothes but I hate how they make me look like a bum.
I love being a woman but I hate not having the same options as a man.
I love cats but I hate cat hair.
I love dogs but I hate their needy tail wagging.
I love being single but I hate being alone.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
I wrote the lines above...two and a half years ago. It seems like ages ago. I have finished all those projects but the issue still remains. Little Wings and Isabella's Garden are but a few hours away from being completed and I cannot seem to be able to bring myself to finish them. Why?
It's not like I would run out of things to stitch. I have over 30 projects in my WIP pile. Might be 40 or 50, I no longer keep count.
What is wrong with me? I have this unfightable urge to create, I love seeing the project go, when I am a week or two to go, all I ever think about, all I wanna do, is stitch. And then I reach a point where only the last touches need to be applied, and that is the point where I freeze. I can not touch it. I can't even bear looking at it. But why?
Several times I have tried to force myself. I sit down with the project on my usual spot. And I panic. I get nauseous, I can't breathe, my hands are shaking. I get physically ill. And it annoys me. I like thinking I'm rational. I'm logical. I'm an adult. I yearn for a finish. I want to wash and press them, I want to get them framed and show off to the world. But I am unable to.
Does anyone else get like this? Do you know why? Can I just not let go of my projects?