Monday, December 8, 2014

Do or do not

Sorry for the strong language in advance, but can I just quickly call BS on Master Yoda and that famous saying of his?

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Further conflicts

I want to look pretty but I don't want anyone to notice.

I want to be attractive but not attract people.

I want to listen to people but I don't want to talk to them.

I want to start new project but I don't want any new WIPs.

I want to know everything that happened to me but I don't want to remember.

I want to know how the story ends but I want no spoilers.

I want to travel but I don't want to leave the comfort of my home.

I'm hungry but I don't wanna have to eat.

I want to be more womanly but I prefer being seen as a person.

I want to discuss ideas but I don't want to argue.

I want to learn new things but I want to practice the old things.

I want to buy stash but hate spending money on stash.

I want opinions but I don't want criticism.

I want to hide but I want to shout.

I love my job but I hate to go to work.

I hate smoking but I love cigarettes.

I hate being depressed but I no longer know who I am without it.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Snowflakes

This is what the first batch of my crochet blizzard looks like after getting soaked in fabric stiffener (if that's what it's called), pinned and dried.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Big project

Hey, I started something big and I am a bit stuck. I am working on a crochet blanket made of snowflake granny squares. I can't make my mind up about assembly though. I need input! Leave a comment about which pattern you suggest: diagonal, paralell or random?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Conflicts

I want to blog but I don't want to spend so much time typing.

I want to stitch but I don't want to finish projects.

I want to spend less time on social media but I want to know everything that happens.

I want to watch less TV but I want to know what happens with my favourite characters.

I love the way long hair looks but I prefer the way short hair feels.

I love how I look with make up but I hate how my skin can't breathe.

I love wearing short skirts but I hate the reactions it provokes from strangers.

I love listening to the same song again and again but I miss hearing new ones.

I want to be in a relationship but I can't stand the idea of being with a man.

I love long nails but they get in the way.

I love comfy, baggy clothes but I hate how they make me look like a bum.

I love being a woman but I hate not having the same options as a man.

I love cats but I hate cat hair.

I love dogs but I hate their needy tail wagging.

I love being single but I hate being alone.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Cannot... finish... projects!

"Seriously, what is wrong with me? I was just revising my WIPocalypse projects and realised that I have three I could finish in mere days. Feasting Frenzy and the Permin butterfly kit are just a few backstitches away from being done, while Lady of the Thread needs only a few missing crosses. I thought with all these other projects and SALs going on it would be easier to let go of my finished pieces, but no! Honestly, I have no idea why I'm doing this."

I wrote the lines above...two and a half years ago. It seems like ages ago. I have finished all those projects but the issue still remains. Little Wings and Isabella's Garden are but a few hours away from being completed and I cannot seem to be able to bring myself to finish them. Why?

It's not like I would run out of things to stitch. I have over 30 projects in my WIP pile. Might be 40 or 50, I no longer keep count.

What is wrong with me? I have this unfightable urge to create, I love seeing the project go, when I am a week or two to go, all I ever think about, all I wanna do, is stitch. And then I reach a point where only the last touches need to be applied, and that is the point where I freeze. I can not touch it. I can't even bear looking at it. But why?

Several times I have tried to force myself. I sit down with the project on my usual spot. And I panic. I get nauseous, I can't breathe, my hands are shaking. I get physically ill. And it annoys me. I like thinking I'm rational. I'm logical. I'm an adult. I yearn for a finish. I want to wash and press them, I want to get them framed and show off to the world. But I am unable to.

Does anyone else get like this? Do you know why? Can I just not let go of my projects?

Friday, November 7, 2014

Hats off my hook

I thought that now I practised crochet long enough to go and make something useful. Not just one doily after another, but articles of clothing. I started small with accessories. These are the hats I made in the past weeks. From the bottom: the crocodile stitch hooded cowl is a pattern I bought from Bonita Patterns through Craftsy. The purple-green psychedelic hat is a free chart I found online. Probably on Ravelry, I am not sure. The blue slouchy hat was in a magazine I bought last year. That one is my favourite, I will make a matching scarf later this week.