Sunday, April 12, 2015

Short public announcement

I'm okay. I'm alive. I work 11 hour shifts three days a week. When I don't work, I obsess over crochet or tv shows. I found an extension for Chrome called Hola Better Internet, which makes it possible to watch Hulu or Netflix, which is blocked here in Hungary. Thanks to Hola, I can set my computer like I'm browsing from the U.S.A. and watch a ton of quality footage that was not available for me for what seems like ages.

Bottomline is this: I know I disappeared, I know some of you are worried for me. You can calm down now, I am okay. I very much appreciate your concern. I am still low on energy and self-esteem, even lower on money and time, but I am still on the path of self discovery and heading in the right direction. The goal may be far away, but every step taken makes me feel better.

I have a dozen drafts on this blog, waiting to be finished. I have so much to say. It's just not high enough in my list of priorities just yet. As soon as I get there, you will hear from me again.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Crochet on!

This, my friends, I am happy to say, is my first garment made with my own crochet hooks. After all these tiny ornaments, doilies and such, I finally took a deep breath and made myself a short sleeved pullover. I love it very much, although I wish it was somewhat longer. I used a different yarn than recommended, it is a wool from Drops Design, so the measurements are not what I expected, but I am still happy with the outcome. I chose this yarn because I fell in love with the colour, and it matches my hair dye, which is a nice touch. I even bought a lipstick in this shade, because girls just wanna have colour coordinated fun. And now on to the next project.

Friday, January 30, 2015

O Tannenbaum

I just remembered! I have shown you the wonderful crochet snowflakes I made last year for my holiday decorations, but I was too busy to share photos of my Christmas tree. So better late than never, here are some photos of my usual (plastic) tree with the new ornaments. 

Lights off - sets the mood
Lights on - behold my magnificent crafting skills!

Monday, January 19, 2015

One by one

I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my life. 2014 had been a very strange year, both taxing and rewarding. It required a lot of compromises, took all the energy I had, but it made me grow in unprecedented measures and in unexpected directions.
I learned about myself that

  • yes, I want to do some form of crafting every day
  • I want that to be my job. It's my true calling
  • I'm not like everyone else around me and that is okay
  • I still suck at saying no
  • my aversion to conflict is at a very unhealthy level
  • I have great girl friends, and I even made a few new ones
  • television is still better than movies
  • I need working out more than I previously thought
  • I came across the definition of demigirl and realized I might be one
  • I came across the definition of demisexual and realized I am one
  • I feel less of a freak now that I know the thing I am has a name and is not a deviation but a variant
  • I need to improve my skills
  • I am still the opposite of confident but I am getting better at pretending 
  • I really hate fruit. Every fruit
  • it is theoretically possible to have a merry christmas
  • I am ISTP
  • I still suck at self motivating
  • I really love my customers at the needlework shop. All of them.
  • I need to use more tools the internet provides me. I got into Tumblr and Instagram and Craftsy, just learning the tricks of Ravelry right now
So here's hoping that 2015 will be less of a bumpy ride and will let me lie back for a minute every now and then!

Monday, December 8, 2014

Do or do not

Sorry for the strong language in advance, but can I just quickly call BS on Master Yoda and that famous saying of his?

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Further conflicts

I want to look pretty but I don't want anyone to notice.

I want to be attractive but not attract people.

I want to listen to people but I don't want to talk to them.

I want to start new project but I don't want any new WIPs.

I want to know everything that happened to me but I don't want to remember.

I want to know how the story ends but I want no spoilers.

I want to travel but I don't want to leave the comfort of my home.

I'm hungry but I don't wanna have to eat.

I want to be more womanly but I prefer being seen as a person.

I want to discuss ideas but I don't want to argue.

I want to learn new things but I want to practice the old things.

I want to buy stash but hate spending money on stash.

I want opinions but I don't want criticism.

I want to hide but I want to shout.

I love my job but I hate to go to work.

I hate smoking but I love cigarettes.

I hate being depressed but I no longer know who I am without it.