I realize I have disappeared from the net completely. I'm terribly sorry if I made anyone feel like I let them down, it is the time of winter when the days are shortest and darkness falls at 5 p.m.. So for a sun worshiper like myself, who is mainly solar powered, it means I'm barely vegetating. My soon-to-be-ex husband has moved out and I spend many time arranging stuff around, trying to figure out what to keep on the newly emptied shelves.
When I'm not cleaning or packing, I'm job hunting or preparing for the holidays. Most of the gifts haven't been bought yet. Mainly because if I'm not in my hometown visiting my adorable daughter, I'm lying sick. Do you wanna know the extra funny stuff? It seems I have developed an allergy to penicillin. Yes, the medicine I've been taking for the past 30 years now causes fingerprint sized, itching red patches all over my skin.
So when I have a little time and energy to sit in front of the computer, I can barely catch up with the hundreds of e-mails and blog updates. I wish I could answer those mails, and comment on all your wonderful blog entries full of the amazing projects you make, and write my own blog, but that is impossible. I recently keep a notebook by my bed and I'm scribbling whatever thoughts occur to me. This blog entry and the previous one were born out of those notes. Otherwise I couldn't stay focused long enough to type this.
It's not the only thing I'm behind with. It took me forever to buy, write and mail the Christmas cards for the exchanges I'm in. Which is embarrassing, but not as difficult to fix as my overdue paying of all bills. Now I'm trying to avoid having my electricity and heating shut down for the holidays. My bank account is two months worth of bills away from empty and I still cannot find even a part time job.
Still, that is no excuse to disappear just like that, but I hope you will understand if occasionally I retract to my shell. Because needless to say, depression is now a permanent flatmate, and I'm fighting my private war every day just to get out of bed and have some food. And most battles are lost, but the war isn't over yet. It will be one really long fight, but I'll be damned if I ever surrender.
At least I've done some stitching while in bed (see previous post) and watched lots of TV. My new favourite show is Flash Forward. It's brilliant.