Friday, February 14, 2014

10 years

It was exactly ten years ago on Valentine's day that I said "I do" for the second time. It was a warm February morning, with some leftover patches of snow on the sidewalks but a lovely sunshine. A friend of mind braided my hair with a champagne coloured ribbon, I wore a dress I bought at 19 because I thought it made me look like Snow White and I never had the courage to tell my mom how much it REALLY cost. We had lots of friends and family at the wedding, it was a jolly event, especially at the point when I couldn't stop giggling. I was eight months pregnant. It was possibly the happiest day of my life. The days after that... not so much. It wasn't perfect. It didn't last. I wasn't happy. My heart was crushed, my dreams with it. I regret getting married. I did not, however, regret getting pregnant. I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything else. And motherhood wasn't as perfect and jolly as I thought it would be. It is a lot harder than I imagined, but my daughter gives me the strength to cope with whatever life is throwing my way. Including divorce. And Valentine's day. Reminding me every year what could have been. What should have been. Our marriage was crap. Our daughter is... whatever comes after awesome, I do not have the words to describe her. She wouldn't be here for me without you, so... happy anniversary. You prick. :P

My sister and I at the wedding

1 comment:

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

What a bitter sweet day this must have been for you. I was married very young too but luckily did not have children with him.
Then I became a single parent at the ripe old age of 36, finally I got together with my lovely husband just before my 40th Birthday. The lovely husband I knew when I was only 17 but wasn't interested in back then! Funny how life turns out.
I'm sure your daughter is as precious to you as my son is to me. The bond between a lone parent and their child is so different to the one where there are two parents together.