Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What a strange year it has been

I started 2009 being sick as a dog and too weak to walk around the block. My daughter was already living with my parents for some months and I saw her on the weekends. My depression was in full force and I didn't talk to my husband at all, except when I asked if I could have my turn at the computer. I was awake all night, doing everything I could think of on the net, working on FaceBook collections, playing online games, reading all news sources and trolling gossip blogs, doing all kinds of things I didn't care about at all, but at least they kept me awake so I didn't have to go and share a bed with a man I no longer love. This habit made me even weaker and added a still present sleeping disorder to my list of problems.
Late in spring I finally managed to tear open all the wounds I've been licking and told my husband all the things that hurt me and made me want to divorce. It was very difficult for both of us, but also very necessary. Luckily, none of us wants to cause any harm to the other and we have no ill feelings towards each other, we just acknowledge that we're not as compatible as we have originally thought we would be. It did take some time of getting used to, we spent most of the summer trying to figure out what to do and how exactly should it be done. He started packing his things in the autumn and we filed for divorce.
Winter came and I felt completely numb, the weight of my decisions and their consequences nearly crushing me. Most of my days are spent without purpose or merit. The holidays were empty and weird. My daughter visited most of the relatives and enjoyed the festive season, but hasn't seen our Christmas tree yet. I spent New Year's Eve all alone, on World of Warcraft, doing random raids with strangers when the clock struck 12.

10 comments:

Annie said...

Here's hoping for a much better 2010!

Tammy said...

I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. I hope your writing helps. Keep stitching and just keep going. It's bound to get better!

drea_dear said...

Sorry to read that you've had such a hard year. I've also struggled with depression (not quite as deep as yours), and I know how out of control I feel some days, with a complete loss of perspective. Stitching has helped me, especially stitching for someone specific. I hope you have a better 2010!

Carol said...

You've had some momentous changes in your life over the past wee while. Hope things pick up for you and that 2010 will be a good experience for you.

Karan said...

I hope you will soon be able to see that everything that happened wasn't an ending but as a whole new beginning for you. The future is yours to make of it what you will. Have a Happy 2010, full of possibilities. :0)

Carolyn NC said...

Hope you find 2010 to be better for you.

glenda said...

May you find your peace this year.

StitchCat said...

All the very best for 2010. This year will be much better and brighter :)

Binky's Blog said...

Best wishes for you in 2010.

Meari said...

Happy 2010, Jade. I hope this new year brings you more happiness than past ones. (hugs)